Love

Love… Such a big and meaningful word, or is it? With the state of the world in today’s age, does love exist? Can two people really fall in love and want to spend every second of there living life together? I don’t know what to make of love.

Everyday I spend with my parents I see what love is. Two people, who have spent 36years with each other, have overcome poverty, 3 unplanned (but loved) children. The loss of one child at age 16 and being homeless. All this and never left each others side. Ok I am sure there have been times which they have almost cracked but no, this is two people that will be together till death.

Nowadays you will be lucky that a couple will spend 10 years together.

So this scares me… Jemma & I have been together for 3 years and 10months (I count from the first time we kissed).
It has been a very turbulent relationship that has both left us mental scarred.

Let me tell you about our first night.

It was Halloween and I was working in the bar The Cross and Jemma came in with a few of her friends, one which I was in college with. The college friend was a little bit obsessed with me (I am not being up my arse but she was). This was the second time I had met Jemma and I was crazy.
I had at this point a relationship with another girl for 9 months but it was not going anywhere and I was not happy.
The first time I had met Jemma I had asked my college friend about her but she had made it very clear that she was dating some one (this turned out to be not true).

On Halloween the girls got drunk at my work and after work, my college friend and Jemma left for my flat. Now I want to make it clear that nothing happened but we all did fall asleep in the same bed . After, I took the girls home (also want to add that they were not drunk, well maybe a little) I dropped my college friend off first and them Jemma but at this point we were both awake. We took a little drive to cove where the light house is and just sat there talking for hours. We talked until the sun raised and it was not only amazing but almost fairy tale like. I remember Jemma turning to me and saying “Would you be angry if I did some thing?” I answers “of course not”, she them leaned over and we had out first kiss.

This was amazing and I never kissed any one with this much passion.

Now to cut things short, over the next 6 months it was rough. I will say this and if Jemma reads this she will say it’s not true but she played me! She led me on and shot me down. I never knew if she liked me or just friends. No one could know about me and her and for two years none of he friends knew about us, now I am sure they had their suspicions but Jemma would never confirm it and Karen (college class mate) made our life hell. Karen was not to blame for every thing. Jemma is a special human being. She would not want to hurt or upset any one. She constantly thought everyone hated her and she had done some thing wrong but she never did. Everyone loves this girl…

So 3 years down the line, everyone knows about us. Everyone was cool about us. So we are together and happy.

But the question is, can that love and happiness last? Why it is 40-60 years ago divorcé was rare but now 1-3 couple gets divorced in the first 10 years?

I have been thinking a lot over the last two weeks about my relationship with Jemma and I. I love this girl from the bottom of my heart but I have also really hurt badly. I feel I have two sides, one side: I want to spend the rest of my waking life with her, she has EVERYTHING I need but also on the second hand, the thought of commenting my life to just one girl and the age of 24 scares me. I see all my friends going in to town and meeting girls (and some of them cheating on their partners) and I hate it. I got involved with that and it turned my relationship with Jemma upside down. Now I avoid the nightlife because I am scared that the evil inside me will release and I will destroy everything.

I want to settle down and buy a house and sort out my career and spend weekend walking round Scotland with my other half, I feel I am ready to get down on one knee and prove my love for her but there is that little niggle always in my head.

I guess time will tell and life will take its course.

~ by James Kelly on 26 June,2008.